


Drowsy

by stepps



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-09
Updated: 2010-03-09
Packaged: 2017-10-07 20:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/68782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stepps/pseuds/stepps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The heat is too exhausting and their own company too boring to do anything but have a sleep in Sirius' room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowsy

Remus doesn't know how they had ended up there. Or, at least, not how he ended up between Sirius and the wall, hot, drowsy, but at the same time entirely awake and not at all able to close his eyes.

It is one of those days when the dampness of England and the warmth of the summer mixed in an unpleasant way to make Remus feel like wilting quietly and unhappily with a book under a tree. The same sort of day that James happily sweats through on his broom, Peter hides from in his mother's dark house, and Lily doesn't experience in the air-conditioned Muggle supermarket were she works during summer.

Sirius, on these sweltering days gets bored and drowsy. That's how they got here, in that they are taking a nap in Sirius' room, both of them admitting the heat was too exhausting and their own company too boring to do anything else.

Remus could have done this at home of cause, but the point of coming to Sirius' was not to be bored and drowsy alone. So when Sirius (and it was of cause Sirius; Remus defers to Sirius in all things) suggested they have a kip, they came in here.

And Remus found himself in his t-shirt and shorts tucked between Sirius and the wall on Sirius' single bed.

Sirius isn't wearing a t-shirt, because Sirius is hot, and has no fear or inhibition. Remus was forced to grow out of some of his own self-consciousness at Hogwarts surrounded by James and Sirius and Peter. But twenty minutes ago Remus stuttered and paused when Sirius took off his shirt, and Remus decided not to remove his own as well.

That pause, that glitch in being at ease with his friend is probably the reason why Remus can't sleep, can't even close his eyes. That, and Sirius' perfect, beautiful back that he's staring at.

Sirius breathes deep and his muscles shift. His hip moves. His hair… doesn't do anything, but it was there all the same, and Remus is forced to think about what this means, that Sirius looks beautiful to him, that he feels small and thin and ugly next to him. And that most of all, he wants to touch him.

In this moment, wedged close behind Sirius and scared out of his mind, Remus realises first that he feels something for his best friend, and second that this realisation probably means Remus is even more strange than he thinks he is.

It is confusing being a teenager, because you might be told how things are supposed to go, and notice that boys and girls go together, but no one talks about daydreams and fantasies and what boys or girls do alone. At night. Or other private times. Remus can't remember why he thought of touching himself that first time he did, and he can't remember when he began imagining men as well as women. He certainly never talks to anyone about it, because of cause there isn't any talk about touching yourself in the dark. But also, when his friends all talk about girls that they dream about, how can Remus mention a boy? He doesn't even take note of it until now. It is so unconscious.

Not until Remus is right here behind Sirius on his single bed does he confess that yes, he was not the same. More not the same than before, which sort of makes it easier to accept.

Remus shallows his breathing, not wanting to wake Sirius with his breath on his shoulders. He wants to run a finger along the line of Sirius' shoulder, the curve of his side, and the dip to his hip. He wants to snuggle up to him, fit his stomach to Sirius' back, legs behind his legs, mouth behind his neck. He wants to kiss his neck, there where the dark hair is sweaty and still.

But Remus stays where he is, centimetres away from contact. He keeps still, and only watches. He contemplates this new realisation of how he feels, considers how its going to fuck things up. Perhaps he can tell Sirius and James and Peter, because they are his friends and like him despite violent bloodlust, and probably despite perverted boy lust as well. But they can't know what he thinks about Sirius, what he imagines doing, and would probably never be able to stop imagining doing, now. Some things are just secrets, even from the best of friends.

Perhaps Remus does fall asleep, but he can't remember doing that either. And he isn't sure if he is awkward or not when Sirius sleeps off the heat and boredom. But that moment he remembers, despite the other drowsy qualities of that afternoon.


End file.
